WHEN I CHOSE TO 'LOVE' YOU

So my heart means nothing to him

So he said

So he said not by words, no not by talking

So I heard not by hearing, no just by looking

At his actions, deeds, speaking

Screaming to me loud and clear

Like spring water slicing through jagged rocks

So they cut me, his words

Unspoken though

But now I know.

Now I know, a bit too late

I have loved you

Longed for you

Waited in the dark corners

That became my heart

And I feel you spat

On it and laughed

Like to you it meant nothing

Though to it

You meant everything.

When I chose to ‘love’ you

I knew you were not perfect

Far from it

Your teeth were big, protruding

I called them cute, endearing

You were always late

When I was in a hurry

You never said sorry

You said ‘This is me’

I let it be

I shouldn’t have

When I chose to ‘love’ you

My ears were yours

To hear and keep

Your secrets, the dealings

Of your heart and mind

But what of mine?

The nuances of my soul lie bare

For the world to see, to laugh to stare

The mechanics of my heart

That with you I shared

Hang in street corners

To air

I guess you truly never cared

And you told me not in whispers

But with loud screaming shouting actions

While I closed my eyes

And smiled.

When I chose to ‘love’ you

I knew that perhaps one day

Sooner, later, maybe never

It would be the end

Of you and me together

But I chose the present

Content in your presence

For now.

I stand here today

You are not beside me

I guess it was sooner,

Not later, not never

This is how it should be

I concur, even as eyes quiver

With tears of rejection

But you meant something to me

And so I will think of you

Without bitterness, hate

I will speak of you

Without anger, shame

But do you do the same for me?

You reject me

And you betray me.